You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
