pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
