lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
