the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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