yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
