i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
