I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
