After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
