So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
did you just send me my own nude
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
