he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
