Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize