respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Vodka?
Forever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
