I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
