I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize