Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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