Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
