The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize