I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
