I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
