Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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