if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
