I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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