i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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