I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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