So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
