White coat. Heels.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The power of my boobs compel you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
