Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
