your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
