My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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