My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize