Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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