Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
