And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
