Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
