At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
