2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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