Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sex in a hospital.. check
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
