i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
tell me about the eggs
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