just tell him i said nine months
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
