Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
where are my eyebrows?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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