I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
