everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
