You don't have asthma, your pregnant
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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