You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize