shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
