The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
