doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
