i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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