Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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