I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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