i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
