Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
organizing the empties. That sober.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
