So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
