He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
