if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
