I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
