she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
