I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
