I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
