after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
