even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
