Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
