there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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