why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
