If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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