You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
